Published December 12, 2008
Why can't I stop loving you?
It's tearing me apart.
How can people relate Valentines Day,
to frilly pink and red hearts?
The heart is a vital organ,
fragile as a butterfly.
Utterly uselss if you want to live,
to watch you blood spill lies.
Your mind should know better.
Your soul should get stronger,
you breath should come quicker,
for you life shall last no longer...
Because it's over.
And then it's back on.
It's all annoying,
because your the one.
You're the reason that I live,
you're the reason I will die.
My extraordinary personality,
away from you will shine.
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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
that was really smooth and it flowed really well.
It's all annoying,
because your the one.
i think you should've used a stronger adjective rather than annoying. Maybe cruel?
and i also didn't get the end
My extraordinary personality,
away from you will shy.
so maybe try and fix that. But good job.
Hey!
I'm gonna be your reviewer for this poem.
So, first of all I liked it. But there's some things you should correct.
Okay, in the risk of sounding bad, the first two lines are a bad way to begin a poem. Too common.
The third and fourth have nothing to do with the first ones. So this stanza is confusing. I particularly liked the last two lines.
This is confusing. If you the heart is a vital organ why say it's useless (I think it's what you mean not uselss)? The last line is good.
Confusing.
the last two sentences are confusing. Maybe you're trying to say: away from you will shine."
Or if you're really going for shy, make it something like: "away from you will become shy."
Something like that.
So this is finally the end
Keep on writing!